In response to my cousin Steve's Facebook status on May 6, 2010:

Steve: "If is was possible to dig a hole directly through the center of the earth and clean through and you jumped in, would you go straight through or get stuck in the middle? This moment is brought to you by The Mind of The Steve. Hear it. Love it. Live it."

RJ Hill (a friend of my cousin Steve's, I do not know him, but I shall still laugh at him!!): "Neither. If there was a way to do such a thing, we know that gravity is a 1/r^2 type of equation. You'd hit terminal velocity and then I suspect (discounting pressure and whatnot) you'd start to oscillate."



My response ... transformed mathematics as we know it.

"Terminal velocity! Ha! If a hole dug straight through the Earth did exist then terminal velocity is an ever increasing speed thus disproving itself as terminal. In fact terminal velocity would become a constant variable.

"You see our equations that deal with terminal velocity and it's foundaton, gravity, are only valid when a body is falling near the surface of the Earth. And the center of the Earth is drastically far from the surface. So therefore our equations must conform to our new constantly changing perception of gravity.

"It is common knowledge that the further above sea level the less gravity is 'pulling us down.' ya dig? So we can logically says that when we are going further into the crust, nearing the center of the Earth, aka the center of our gravitational pull, then gravity would increase.

"Using Everestarian Mathematics (No need to google that, I made it up. Don't worry, it's valid ... I shall explain forthwith!!), by which I take the constant height of Mount Everest exfoliate it with the average 15 percent weight loss whilst standing upon Mount Everest and invert these calculations into the depths of the earth's radial soul!!

"Example:

"We will be 15 percent lighter on Mount Everest than at sea level.

"So if we go into the Earth rather than away, we can say that we'll gain 15 percent of weight due to gravity for each 29,029 feet (or 1 Everest) down into the Earth's crust.

"The radius of Earth is 3963 miles thus, 720 Everests.

"A mere 19 Everests (roughly one hundred miles) you will weight roughtly 14 times your current weight (for me personally that's 3850!!) traveling at a speed of 1485 mph!!

"At 100 everests you'd weigh 1,021,142 times your current weight and be traveling at 122,537,055 mph.

"Now, I'm not sure at which weight our bodies would just collapse upon themselves but I'm thinking that it might not even take 19 everests to do that.

"Also, I'm not sure at what speed matter, such as the former pieces of a human body, would simply vaporize but I'll damned if it hasn't already happened at 100 everests!!

"Let's just go ahead and say you somehow against all odds that you actually make it past vaporization and full body implosions ... it's 720 Everests to the center of the earth. Let's throw a tangent out on our x-y axis at 720 Everests ...

"You'd weigh, due to gravity, 43,827,552,055,847,6X10²⁹ times your current weight, traveling at a terminal velocity of 5,259,306,246,701,71x10³¹ mph!!

"I shall then posit that if you were able to do all this, by which I mean survive through this event ... the effect that gravity would have in the constraints of our situation ... you would step into the hole and the momentuam you produced would catapult you through the center of the Earth and as you approached the other side gravity would slow you down enough so that you would pop out the other side of the world and step onto solid ground without even feeling a thing. It would be like taking a step forward.

"Now some of you naysayers will point out that Everestarian Mathematics only hold ground when dealing with gravity and how it pertains to a hole dug through the Earth. That is true but is it not also true that Pi only works when dealing with circles!! If two trains leave two different stations going two different speeds they are definitely not going to meet anywhere at Pi o'clock!! I promise!!

"Also, some of you might say that an Everest isn't a valid mathematical constant because it is based on an average. This is also true. But is 15 percent not always 15 percent?!?!? Indeed!! It is!! So therefore. I win."

The Carmichael Grimes Principle simply states:

"If one or more people continuously make fun of someone on a public forum, then that someone's actions will henceforth be guided, by time and space, to said public forum."

For for information/evidence/proof please see the main page post on June 9, 2009.

Our pre-historic ancestors’ biggest problem in their day was staying alive. Every day it was a fight to survive. You awoke, you were hungry, you killed something, you ate, you moved on. If we can quantify survival as a percentage per day that they spent trying to stay alive, it would be 100%.

But something happened when our ancestors began forming groups, societies and civilizations. As they figured out how to farm and create better hunting devices, life started getting easier. The percentage of time spent per day on survival began to fall. That meant they actually had time to not survive. But what to do?

Since they had never had to not survive, this caused quite a conundrum and thus, boredom set in.

We started with storytelling. Then moved to art; cave drawings. Then moved to music; bongos. But then things got worse.

As our technology began to progress even further and civilizations started to grow and expand across the globe. We had to write and print our stories so that people far away could read them too. We had to invent modes of transportation. I think you see where all this is going. Everything you see around you is because one day someone was bored and started to think.

Today, most modern humans have a very low percentage of time needed to put towards survival per day. In fact, most humans can now actually give a percentage of time needed to spend on survival over the course of weeks if not months rather than days.

Thus with the facilitation of survival and the onset of boredom we have preserved our species until the next ice age when we’ll have to start all over again.